


Coming to Terms

by Alexannah



Series: Rockabye [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen, Post Time War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-02
Updated: 2013-05-02
Packaged: 2017-12-10 04:49:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/781967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexannah/pseuds/Alexannah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’d always been alone. Once, he’d hated that fact. Now, in the light of his new loss, he counted it a blessing. [backstory]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coming to Terms

**Author's Note:**

> Part of (first fic in) Rockabye series/backstory. Could stand alone.
> 
> The main fic of the series, When the Bough Breaks, will be some time in coming, but to be honest the backstory is worth a series of its own. I may have gone overboard with the detail.
> 
> If you’ve read any of my ‘collective backstory’, put it out your mind, ‘cause it doesn’t apply to anything labelled Rockabye.
> 
> As a point of interest, the word ‘athteri’ is Greek for ‘star’. (I don’t know the language—yet—I looked it up.)
> 
> Think that’s it. Enjoy!

It was starting to sink in.

Sitting in the TARDIS doorway, looking out at the Caza Ravine that still cut through space, probably wasn’t healthy. But the Doctor found it oddly settling.

It was beginning to dawn on him why he was able to accept it, why he wasn’t still screaming, months later, from the pain.

He’d always been alone. Before, he had hated the fact. Now, in the light of this new loss, it felt more like a blessing.

Time Lords bonded telepathically with others they were close to. He was no exception to that rule, at least not at first.

His mother. _Screaming, torn from her cold dead hands._ He didn’t remember, but he could imagine.

Iyllanyi. More than a teacher, more than an aunt.

_You can never see me again._

Another bond broken.

The pattern continued. The Master, once known to him as Koschei. The big brother he had never had.

_I hate you! Get out!_

It might have been at that point, he stopped trying to form them. There had been other Time Lords and Ladies down the line, friends, companions … people he’d cared about, loved even. But those bonds hadn’t formed, and he could guess why. His subconscious was trying to save him from the pain again.

It had been a lonely life. And now Gallifrey was gone, all those severed ties, the gaping emptiness … it hurt, of course it did, more than he could begin to describe.

But he knew, had he been more open, as open as any normal Time Lord—the torture would be a hundredfold. And any pain spared, for whatever the reason, he was thankful for, even though he knew he deserved worse.

He looked into the ravine, remembering his first ever visit. It was so long ago, so many lifetimes. The TARDIS had saved him then. As the only living thing connected with his mind anymore, she was saving him now.

She called to him. _Athteri_. That was all that was needed.

The Doctor got up, closed the doors, returned to the console and set the controls for Earth.


End file.
